Jon Stewart Quotes

I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance

I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of ...

The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.

Thomas Jefferson once said: 'Of course the people don't want war. But the people can be brought to t...

It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that th...

Why did the Articles [of Confederation] fail so completely? Most historians believe the founding fat...

Newspapers abound, and though they have endured decades of decline in readership and influence, they...

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house...

We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.

The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you have no regime.

The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.

By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your brok...

If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, b...

If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.

Free time is death to the anxious, and thank goodness I don't have any of it right now.

Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians ca...

[Hearing] was distinct from listening, which could only be achieved when hearing was combined with g...

Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.

No one is better at not beating America than England.

You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.

Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of ...

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.

Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between t...

To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welco...

The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

Race is there. You're tire of hearing about it? Imagine how fucking exhausting it is living it.

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were sw...

Those fighting to be included in the ideal of equality are not divisive.Those fighting to keep those...

As our larynxes descended, we were able to make sounds with our mouths in new and far more expressiv...

When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?

I have some bad news. Bjork cannot be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Chene...

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to lo...

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart b...

Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.

As heirs to a legacy more than two centuries old, it is understandable why present-day Americans wou...

It's funny. When we were alive we spent much of our time staring up at the cosmos and wondering what...

And this, this, is their genius. Conservatives are not looking to make education more rigorous and i...

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a...

Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in abo...